This is an incredibly hard thing to share here on my website.
There's no doubt it makes me feel very vulnerable, but, I must share this with you, because the events of the last few days are now, unfortunately, a part of me, my story and my business forever.
My darling Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly in the early hours of Monday 19th July. He was a fit man in his late sixties who embraced and enjoyed life.
I was woken up in the middle of the night to be told this news, having spent Sunday afternoon with him at a family BBQ where as always, he was the life and soul of the party. Cooking on the BBQ, telling jokes and stories and just being his usual sociable self.
I'd been joking around with him, and I’d sat next to him while we were eating our desserts and specifically remember thinking at the time: “I love you.” Because, I did. I adored him.
The last words I said to him were: “See you tomorrow. Bye.”
I had no prior warning that this was going to happen. I have never felt pain like this in my life.
My Papa was my best friend. We were as thick as thieves, quite mischievous together and would, to my husband, Tom's, amusement, constantly take the piss out of each other, and Tom too.
We talked about everything, there was no subject I would not approach with my Dad. He was a wise sage and always gave the best advice, with a slice of his trademark silly humour thrown in.
My Dad always had my back, he was loyal and kind and if I needed him, he was there. He would have literally walked the earth for my sister, my Mum and I.
We were so lucky.
And, no one will ever make me laugh as much as he did. Which is high acclaim because my husband has been known to make me literally pee myself with laughter on many occasions. But my Dad was funnier.
My Dad’s death is now woven into the tapestry of my life and, it will undoubtedly influence my business. I’ve completely changed overnight and so has my future.
I’m currently in complete shock. The trauma of the grief I'm feeling from his sudden death is something I have no experience of dealing with. But I am being kind to my self and letting my emotions be. I will be taking some time away from my business to be with my family and try to process the fact that this amazing man has gone. I will be coming to terms with the idea that I will now be grieving for him for as long as I live.
I’m sure I’ll be back to business in due course, because I want to continue to run a business that my Dad was proud of.
But, it will take time.
I’m resilient, but I know this journey will require a strength I haven’t needed before. But, I will. However hard it may be. I’ll survive for him.
I was incredibly lucky to have a father like him in my life. He was loved by many, but I felt privileged that I was one of the ones who felt his love the most.
Growing up I watched a man make the best of his life and give us everything he could. He had a lot of fun, achieved amazing things, didn’t take things too seriously, was clever and capable and always had a good story to tell.
He was exceptionally kind, exceptionally helpful and just a lovely, and popular man.
And now we face life without him. Daunting doesn't come close. Grief is so frightening.
It hurts to think that even in my happiest moments in life my heart will be aching for him to be here. But he’ll always be with me.
Losing my Dad so suddenly has already changed my perspective on life. I will now appreciate every single blessing I'm lucky enough to have, and take a pause before I moan about something trivial. I'll love the ones that love me truly, and forget the ones who don't. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so I won't wait anymore. Life is for embracing. Every cliché is true.
My business has given me so much in the last ten years so, I'll be back, I just need some time. A moment to myself.
All my love,